Feeling better every day ...

I am still finding my balance. I love my career now. I am getting long term projects accomplished on my days off while continuing to do weekly tasks. Finally finding lots of time for rest, inner reflection and contemplation. Now I know it will continue getting better ... and that feels so good.

At last ... where I should be ... doing what I should be doing! JOY!

I am so happy to say that in my career, I am finally where I should be doing what I should be doing. I have left the retail job I held to do online research, writing and education. I just love the people I work with and I am given full freedom to design my days and deadlines as I see fit. Having this freedom only encourages me to produce 110% and soar. Personally, I am still so missing my sister but now when her photo pops up on my computer screen, I can say "Hi Sis" and move forward with my day. I now have a housemate who is delightful to be around and yet she has so many personal interests I still have lots of me time in the house. My health and stamina are returning after the long retail days and lack of weekends off to see friends and family. All in all, I am happy and expect this happiness to increase and continue all of my days.

Life goes on ...

I am doing my best everyday. The new job has been difficult ... little training and the manager uses me as a whipping post for everything that goes wrong. I have been using my meditations at night and mid day to remind myself that I control how my day will go. I know that I am a careful, friendly, accurate and good person at work and consistently being my best will shine through and win in the end. Well, okay, today is my day off and I will fill it with friends, a good movie and a good meal.

Contentment

I am not at the place of happiness yet. I am comparing how I feel today with how I felt two years ago ... before I lost my sister and the job that I loved. That is when I woke up everyday filled with joy and happiness and did not need to question if I was truly happy. I know that I was. After tragedy and betrayal and grievous loss, I sunk to a place of such despair I wasn't sure I would emerge. Fortunately, I could always cling to my friends like a liferaft and they would help me through one more squall, one more day of endless rain, one more day searching for happiness. Today I on my way to happy and the feeling I have is content. I am contented with who I am and what I have right now ... and with that feeling of contentment I have the ability to strive for happy again. I did not have to stay stuck in the pain and I will not stay stuck in contented. However, contented does feel pretty good. What got you up today?

Forgiveness part zillion ...

Betrayer ... forgiveness comes hard and I am forgiving for my own peace of mind. Still processing this and it might take many more moments of active forgiving before it settles. All of the coworkers who were to scared to stand up for me ... forgiveness comes easier and it will still take a while. Myself for not seeing how I was being set up ... self forgiveness is always the hardest. I will forgive all for my own peace of mind. I will not forget so that this never happens again.

Busy is as busy does ...

I have spend the past month learning the ropes at my new, part time job. I still have A LOT to learn about the technical details and routines, but I am enjoying the time. There is a good possibility that the job will eventually be full time and then, perhaps, managerial. My friend also moved in to be a room mate, which will eventually help with the mortgage. In the meantime, the companionship helps with my frame of mind. Life has definitely taken a positive turn and I will keep up all meditation and positive ideas to keep moving in that direction. How's things with you?

Been Busy ... a good thing

I have accepted a part time position and trust that it will work into a full time position before my unemployment supplement runs out. :) As I used to tell my students "part time is better than no time and some pay is better than no pay." I am also finishing my time pet sitting for two weeks. Training in for the new job and being out of my comfortable element has been a bit chaotic. Starting tomorrow I will be able to see what my more comfortable routine will become. On the positive side, I have been too busy lately to get depressed.

Another Week Forward

I interviewed for a part time position ... it won't pay all the bills but I am a firm believer that something is better than nothing and it will give me time to continue looking for the perfect thing. I went to two networking events with women in business and have ended the week feeling much more positive. Smiling more is a good thing. Weekend here ... onward and upward.

Positivity ...

Lots of little steps taken this week. Feeling more positive that there is light at the end of the tunnel now and I am going to be fine. This poem expresses it for the week.

Week's end ...

I have made it through another week and come to this Friday with a more positive attitude. Am I fully back to where I was, far from it. After being so thoroughly slammed, I was shaken to the core. I have always believed that my good deeds will be rewarded and I was not, at least not in the immediate moments of loss. Do I believe that my good reward is coming, well, I am getting there. Whenever I get a fearful and negative thought, I am getting faster at replacing it with my "I am" mantra. I still let the tears flow freely but I am finding more genuine smiles returning. And so my slow but steady return to a good life goes.

Slow and steady ...

I am slowly finding a balance to my life. I still have moments of sadness and fear which I immediately replace with positive thoughts or affirmations. I take a step forward every day. I have a small group of wonderful friends. I keep busy at night so that the house isn't so empty. I am taking the health steps I know I must. I am experiencing more smiling moments and finding days easier. Is this where I expected to be, heck now. But here I am and I am determined to make the best of everything and RISE.

focus ... refocus ...

I have made it through several medical tests and the results show that, while there is something causing back pain, it is not fatal. this whole medical scare has had a positive effect in a very strange way: it has put my loss of a job and subsequent job hunt in a new light. I mean, I am alive to do the job hunt! I am alive, I have everything to gain and I have the energy to write the next chapter of my life. Well, ok, one more minor medical test ... but I already have plans for the next small steps in my job search lined up. I am that I am ...

One foot ... then the other ...

I am still overwhelmed with loss. Every day I do my best to put one foot forward, then the other. Some days are harder than others. My friends keep me sane but they can only be there so much, there is still just a lot of alone time. Today marks 3 years since my significant other died and a little over 5 months since my sister died and a little over a month since the death of a job I loved. Chin is up but it waivers sometimes. I continue to replace negative thoughts with the mantra "I am that I am." And how is your world?

Forward as best I can ...

Paperwork, phone interviews, red tape, trying to get everything going so I can move forward. I know something great awaits me, but I must have enough to exist while I am finding it.